Definitions of Love
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: I thought I knew her. I was wrong. I thought I knew the definition of love. I was wrong.


_**For the 'Summer 2013 Wizarding Modly Forum-Wide Competition of Awesomeness' (Potions Challenge, Option B, House Hufflepuff, Wand Currently Being Withheld) Please, mods, may I receive my full score? Using prompts begin, order, "I thought I knew…", end. **_

_**For the 'If You Dare Challenge' by Slytherin Cat, using # 289, little creature. **_

….

_I thought I knew her._

_I was wrong. _

_I thought I knew the definition of love. _

_I was wrong. _

….

Marietta tells me that she loves me, and I tell her the same. But, our love is of a different sort, and I misunderstood what she meant.

Because I thought she meant the love shared between two good friends; Marietta, however, meant something else.

She tries to kiss me, and I recoil in horror, shocked and terrified. We are sixteen, and I cannot help but be disgusted by the look of lust in her eyes.

I slap her, telling her _"Go away, I don't want you. I don't love you like that, I never could. I thought I knew you as my friend, not as someone who kisses girls." _

"_I thought I knew you,", _and that is how my story must always begin. _"I thought I knew you,"_ Not with a confession of sins, or the revelation of a dark secret, but of a whispered phrase that breaks me.

Because she's looking at me with pity in her eyes, and nothing to say in response.

I can't help but repeat myself, because there is nothing else that can be said. "_I thought I knew you, Marietta." _She looks at me with a pleading look, begging me to love her, but I can't, because I misunderstood what she meant by love.

"_Go away, Marietta. Go away. Our definitions of love don't mean the same thing. You're my friend-you _were _my friend-but I don't want to love you that way." _

She is horrified by my disgust with her, trying to understand where we went wrong, where we parted ways in what love meant.

Because she is in love with me, another girl, and I could never love her back.

She leaves, promising to never come back, and I am almost glad to see her go, glad to see the back of her, because there is no way I could ever love Marietta. There is no way I could ever love another girl.

….

"_I thought I knew you." _–and this is how my story must always end. _"I thought I knew you." _Not with a confession of sins, or the revelation of a dark secret, but of a whispered phrase that breaks me.

Because she's looking at me with pity in her eyes, and I know she wants me to pity her, the poor girl who can only feel pity for herself.

She's clutching a bundle of wrappings under one arm, and she's begging me to take it. Marietta, a stranger, the same thing I sworn to myself she would never be.

It is not a bundle of wrapping that she carried, but a tiny human girl, not more than a few years old, not old enough to be able to remember her mother, Marietta tells me.

A little girl, a little baby girl who carries my name; though she has Marietta's golden curls, her face is unfamiliar-I cannot recognise the father.

She shoves little Cho into my arms, begging me to take her, because she can't afford a child, and she doesn't want a child. Marietta, who knows I have always craved a daughter, has brought me one, a three year old girl.

"_Please take her from me, Cho. Please, take her away, take her away. I don't want her, I don't love her, but I know you will. You do not pity me, Cho, but please, have pity, at least, on my daughter. Take her away from me, I don't want her."_

I want to say no, I want to tell her there's no way I can just take this child from her, but she's pressing her into my arms, telling her I'm the little girl's Mummy now.

"_I thought I knew you, and I was so terribly wrong." _she says, repeating my own words with a bitter smile. "_I thought I knew you as my very best friend in the whole world, but now I know the truth. I thought I knew what love was, and I thought I was in love with you. I misunderstood what you meant when you said you loved me back, but I understand now. We're not friends, and I understand that, Cho. But I'm asking you as a compassionate person, as someone with a heart, to please take her and raise her as your own. I love you Cho, and I'm asking you to do this as someone who loves you." _

I can't, I can't-that's what I want to say to her; I want her to understand I've got a life and a career now, a husband, and I can't just be taking a little girl from someone who is like a stranger to me now, someone who still loves me.

But instead, I find myself saying _"Hand her over, then. I'll take her." _Marietta hands her to me, smiling, swearing she knew this would happen. She knows I cannot love her, but she is confident I can love her child.

The little creature coos up at me, and I am instantly hooked. _"You named her after me? Do you think she'll love me?" _

"_I named her after you, because I loved you. You know I did, and I always will, even if you don't love me back. I hope you can love her, though, the way you never could for me."_

"_I thought I knew you." _–and this is how my story must always end. _"I thought I knew you." _Not with a confession of sins, or the revelation of a dark secret, but of a whispered phrase that breaks me.

Because she's looking at me with happiness in her eyes, and I know she has no pity for herself left anymore.

I shut the door, with Marietta on side, and a child on the other, separated by wood, and separated by more.

A girl I had I thought I could never love, and the child I had fallen so deeply for.


End file.
